The van Putten Diaries

December 1st marked 2 years since we landed in The Netherlands as fresh immigrants with the intent to stay.  On the one hand, it feels like we've been here forever because we are well established and it feels so right.  On the other, my heartrate still rises and anxiety zips up my spine when I think about Tacoma.  It's not that Tacoma is awful and it's not that I didn't enjoy my time there over the summer.  It's just that, even after 2 years away, I'm still not fully disentangled from it's problems. I'm really not sure how to organize my thoughts on this post, so let's just dive in and see where I end up. Our lifestyle here has become so comfortable and comparatively stress-free.  It is exactly the kind of day-to-day that we were trying to carve out for ourselves in the US, but were blocked by so many things that we had no power to change.  We are happy.  We no longer need a car to get anywhere and we can easily access the rest of Europe. Our kids ar...

We woke up at 04:30 this morning to tune into election results as they swept towards the American west coast, and, while we were definitely sad, we weren't surprised.  One of Nic's first statements was "Well, at least he won't have to resort to violence to steal it."  This has been my biggest train of thought all along - there was likely going to be violence either way.  Violence if he came out behind, violence if he came out ahead.  Violence not just from the Right, also from the Left.  No one was going to fix the broken systems and culture that make up the United States either, so the idea of Harris winning and things being okay wasn't one I subscribed to (just like when Biden won and everyone else seemed to feel relieved). Nic and I went for a long walk just before Wisconsin was called to process our thoughts and feelings together.  I want to record these thoughts for myself, but also to share with you - random reader - in case you want to process this m...

I have a lot to say about our trip to the US, but I'm not feeling eloquent enough to turn it into a nice and coherent thing to read thing.  However, I took excellent notes during the whole trip and I think it would be entertaining to share these one-liners with you. During the car ride from the airport to Tacoma: "I forgot about those really big trees." - David "This is scary." - Miles, while we were on a freeway onramp. I kept looking around and sitting with the feeling that my mom wasn't there anymore. "What was that?!" - David, about the noise a car made while it revved its engine. "It's a flipped over white ship made of tires. Really big." - Miles about the Tacoma Dome. In Tacoma: This latte cost $5.99 omg. The political yard signs were less loud - more green, more unique blues, less red. "I recognize that park, but just a little." - David while driving past People's Park for the first time. Continuing the theme that...

This post was written by a friend who visited us with his family in May. Our kids went to school together in Tacoma and we lived in the same neighborhood. This visit was short, but we look forward to spending some time with them during our upcoming trip to the US 🥰 This summer we were fortunate enough to visit the Netherlands, France and Italy. Going to Europe was a chance to get away from a neighborhood that overwhelms my senses from the cars, the gun violence and those experiencing homelessness. Being in Europe brought solace for my senses, and times of stress for my older son's. I was at peace riding a bicycle through the streets while he stressed out that one of the many cyclists might crash into him. Our children were able to have a good visit with the van Puttens and we will miss the pigs from our farmstay. The only thing I missed about my life in the neighborhood in the US was baking bread and my daily meditation of feeding the yeast. Being back in the neighborhood after ou...

Miles declared recently, seemingly out of the blue, that when he is of the age to learn his 3rd language at school, he would learn French.  He said that if he could speak English, Chinese, and French (or Spanish) that he would be able to speak to most people in the world, and it sounded like that idea really appealed to him. I asked Miles if speaking multiple languages felt like a superpower... and he said no.  He said it just felt normal.  We reminded him of how difficult he found it to engage with other kids when we first got here and he didn't speak Dutch - didn't he feel that that experience signified that it wasn't actually normal?  Maybe, he replied, but he mostly just pretended that we hadn't mentioned that aspect at all. I certainly think being multilingual is a superpower, and I have always thought so, but I can also understand why Miles might disagree, even considering the difficulties he faced in his first few months here.  The culture around language...

The end of May was hard.  We lost 2 loved ones just 10 days apart, one a close friend and the other my mom.  Both were expected, as much as death can be, but being halfway around the world added another layer of emotion, I think.  We're still processing in our own different ways, and I imagine we will be for a long time yet. When we moved, I heavily suspected that the goodbye hug with my mom was going to be my last hug with her.  We continued to have weekly phone calls, which we'd done since before the pandemic.  There have been various periods in which I knew things weren't great for her and I wondered if it would be our last call.  I tried to treat each one as if it was and I did my best to pull her along with me in my stories, to bring her a few moments of joy.   Our last call was good.  I don't remember what we talked about while I took the dogs for a walk, but I remember feeling like it was a goodbye that felt kind of floaty.  She o...

REMINDER OF THE PREVIOUS INTRO:   If you know Nic at all, you probably understand that he's a walking encyclopedia for both relevant and irrelevant information spanning all sorts of subjects.  It's been just about a year since I spoke with him for this blog and there have been quite a few developments relating to his field(s) of expertise (particularly international relations) which I wanted to get his feedback on since people on both sides of the world have been asking.   I also wanted to give him an opportunity to check-in on a personal level, but he is far less analytical on that topic. ....................... Alex:   Okay, so is there anything else you want to say? Nic:  Various little things.  I'm finishing my Dutch class with my test on Wednesday.  I think I'm going to pass, but learning Dutch is slow.  I can speak with more people, but not to the point where I can go hang out with a Dutch person and just chat without switching to...

REMINDER OF THE PREVIOUS INTRO:   If you know Nic at all, you probably understand that he's a walking encyclopedia for both relevant and irrelevant information spanning all sorts of subjects.  It's been just about a year since I spoke with him for this blog and there have been quite a few developments relating to his field(s) of expertise (particularly international relations) which I wanted to get his feedback on since people on both sides of the world have been asking.   I also wanted to give him an opportunity to check-in on a personal level, but he is far less analytical on that topic. ....................... Alex:  Can you tell me about what's happening in Europe?  We've been asked by folks how Geert Wilders' victory in the Dutch election last November has affected our outlook and we know there's a trend towards the right in Europe, but is any of it actually changing your lens regarding our move? Nic:  There are a number of things that I thin...

If you know Nic at all, you probably understand that he's a walking encyclopedia for both relevant and irrelevant information spanning all sorts of subjects.  It's been just about a year since I spoke with him for this blog and there have been quite a few developments relating to his field(s) of expertise (particularly international relations) which I wanted to get his feedback on since people on both sides of the world have been asking.   I also wanted to give him an opportunity to check-in on a personal level, but he is far less analytical on that topic. Alex:   So, is there anything that's struck you as "Oh my gosh, I need to tell people about this thing"? Nic:   No, we've already talked about the bread.  I have adapted to liking the cheese too.  I think it will be hard to go back to American cheese when I go visit, but I think that you can live without European cheese if you haven't already acclimated yourself to it. But really, I think we alr...

I've been compiling some things that have thrown me for a loop since moving here and how they're different from what I expected.  I started compiling this list in the early months and have been adding to it.  As I come across more things, I'll add another post.  These will likely come after I visit the US this summer and remind myself about my previous life. Some of these things I'll be talking about in more depth, but some things are just everyday moments where I have to stop and think "Oh, it's like that here, apparently." Expected:   A socially liberal society with a corresponding socially liberal government. Unexpected:   A socially open-minded society that's more heavily "colorblind" and Libertarian than it is left-leaning activist.  The idea of "tolerance" not being enough hasn't really made it here yet, though I do also wonder how much of a bubble I lived in as part of an activist community in Tacoma which would skew my u...

I tried really hard to interview David (age 6) on April 23rd for the second time since our move.  It didn't work, but I do think David tried.  We've lived here for just over 20% of David's life and we moved when he was only 4.5, so it makes sense that this kind of thing might not take.  But here is a summary of what David said during our conversation. Things are happy with David.  When he thinks about our house, riding bikes, or being outside he feels happy.  School is usually good, but there are some usual kid-related things that we don't like about school. Thinking about visiting Tacoma feels happy for David too.  He thinks about our Tacoma house when I mention "Tacoma" - that's pretty much it.  Mostly the backyard and the treehouse, where we have lots of happy memories.  He has a memory of watching movies in that house, specifically one about dinos (which I'm blaming on The Land Before Time). David remembers that Lila was our fluffy black cat....

I interviewed Miles for the third time on May 4th.  We were on a glamping vacation in the Veluwe national park on the eastern edge of the country. This is directly what he said.  My questions to him and clarifications will be in non-italics font while Miles' answers will be in italics . Yesterday, you said that when you were thinking of our Dutch house, you actually visualized our Tacoma house - what came to your mind when you were thinking that? Lila.   Just Lila? Yeah. You thought about our Dutch house and you were like "oh, we live here now, we came from home and we live in NL but there was a cat there" ? I was sad about Lila. Oh.  You know, we just passed her birthday - she's 15 now.  An old cat. *convo about old cats* If you were to meet someone, would you still say "I'm American" if they were asking questions to try to get to know you?  For example, if we were visiting Spain and someone asked you where you were from - what would you say...

I was asked recently about parenting in the Netherlands and I didn't have time to fully respond, but I've been thinking about it ever since.  I last wrote along this line in  my post about lifestyle changes  about 10 months ago and I've obviously gathered a lot more data since then, so lets dive into an update.  While you should definitely click that link above to read the whole thing (all of which is still perfectly applicable and fills me with joy), my previous summary is still 100% on-point: The difference between the two countries as a kid is staggering, and we haven't even gotten to experience much in this context yet.  When we visited here two years ago, we asked a fellow American about neighborhoods that were family friendly yet still in the city - and she laughed.  "Well... all of them.  This is a very family-friendly country" she said.  Kids have much more independence here and freedom to be themselves.  It's safer, by a long shot, s...

For some reason, I became very interested in the secondary education system a few weeks ago.  I read as much as I could find about it, asked my neighbors and coworkers about their experiences with it, and wandered around the city looking for the schools themselves. If you read my first post about education here, you'll hopefully remember that everything is open enrollment.  As an American, this idea seems pretty self-explanatory at the primary education level, but the process is drastically more interesting at the secondary level. The biggest thing that I think will be difficult for American minds to understand is that the expectation here is for the students themselves to pick their high school .  I know, how amazing is it to live in a society that believes minors are their own people capable of understanding enough about who they are to make their own choices and understand how those choices could affect their future?  Anyway, from around age 11 students will begi...

I just woke up from an anxiety dream about visiting the US.  It didn't feel anxious while I was sleeping, but in real life we're planning on visiting in August this year and I'm nervous about it.   The dream (as I can still remember it) started at a house that a friend had just bought.  It was a project house, kind of falling apart all over the place and for some reason they needed me to stay with the house while they were out.  Like, I was housesitting a run down shack that was still lacking the basics to make it be a "house" - I think maybe I was supposed to be guarding it from squatters?  The house was on one of those two lane roads that doesn't actually have any painted lines and there are cracks all over the place.  Grass grew off of the sides and led to vacant lots.  People did live nearby, it seemed, but everything felt so far away to me.  There were kids running around and I have a vague sense that there was a strip mall type of thing...