The van Putten Diaries

This could have been exclusively in my personal blog, but I decided to to share it here as well.  These experiences are not exclusive to spaces in which being queer is unsafe, but they also exist in countries and societies that we think of as being more accepting.  I am both queer in terms of sexuality and also genderqueer (non-binary), but I can easily pass as neither when I'm out in the world.  I am married to a cisgender man and I haven't chosen to transition in a way that would make me appear to be physically more androgynous.  I even often feel most comfortable with femme gender expression, which makes it perhaps even more confusing for people struggling to remember to call me they/them. For queer and gender non-conforming people, new social interactions can be difficult.  Even more so for those of us who can't hide as easily.  We have to think about how safe we feel in this new social situation, who we feel can be trusted to treat us with respect and ...

When we visited The Netherlands in summer of 2021, I was several months into what felt like a crisis about my own gender.  For those who aren't aware, I started questioning my gender heavily earlier that year and came out to Nic, followed by everyone else, as genderqueer in September after we'd returned from our trip.  Needless to say, I was quietly observing all of the gender norms and queer vibes I was able to pick up on as we traveled through the country that August.  I was in an internal space where I felt like I really needed my queer community and I was particularly interested in figuring out how that community, or even the need for that community, might be different when we moved here. What stood out to me then was that my femme features and super short hair were not a common sight.  Yet, no one actually seemed to care either.  There were some spaces where I felt a deep contentedness full of community and safety, but only a few.  There were ads for ...