The van Putten Diaries

When we visited The Netherlands in summer of 2021, I was several months into what felt like a crisis about my own gender.  For those who aren't aware, I started questioning my gender heavily earlier that year and came out to Nic, followed by everyone else, as genderqueer in September after we'd returned from our trip.  Needless to say, I was quietly observing all of the gender norms and queer vibes I was able to pick up on as we traveled through the country that August.  I was in an internal space where I felt like I really needed my queer community and I was particularly interested in figuring out how that community, or even the need for that community, might be different when we moved here. What stood out to me then was that my femme features and super short hair were not a common sight.  Yet, no one actually seemed to care either.  There were some spaces where I felt a deep contentedness full of community and safety, but only a few.  There were ads for ...

I swear I'm still here!  In the last month, we closed on our house, hunted down furniture, moved-in with the bare minimum, have been cleaning up the old place, have all been sick, and 3/4 of us started school.  I have a ton of things to say, but have just been tired.  The theme of this post is a bit unexpected from myself, but I've recently observed a shift in how I'm processing events in the US and I wanted to talk about that while it's still fresh.  It might be a bit depressing depending on how you're internalizing the same issues, so fair warning. But first, a small bit of background.  When I had Miles in 2015, I had to stop consuming the international news because my hormones absolutely couldn't process the war in Syria while maintaining any semblance of mental health.  Then, in 2016 I of course had to minimize my consumption of US national news as well.  It was a self-defence mechanism, of course, to stave off depression.  Having kids, workin...